Ode To Cami Girl One Leg The Unicorn

Let me introduce y’all to some of Gods best work.

Cami Girl One Leg: The Unicorn, The Eighth Natural Wonder Of The World, National Treasure, Multitalented Renaissance Woman, The Essence Of Black Girl Magic and fellow Eddie King Jr enthusiast.

So I’ve been wanting to rave about this woman for forever now and felt that she definitely needed her own post.

So Boom Check It: On my first morning at “My Name Is Not Susan’s Cottage”, I wake up to the sound of these two very uniquely toned voices belonging to none other than Swift Wind and Cami Girl One Leg. Now the both of them have a very eloquent way of speaking in my opinion and I’m going to tell you why. These two fools would alternate seamlessly back and forth from a very conscious, educated way of expression, to your casual, very boisterous “hood speak”. And if there were any dummies around, their conversations always fly right over their heads, which was hilarious for me to observe. So you know immediately I️ pondered to myself, “Just who are these magical negroes?” 

Months go by and we all become fast friends. We learn that she was an aspiring dental assistant, that she never backed down from a fight no matter what size the dummy opponent may have been, she loved  herself some beef jerky and that she too had memorized The Five Heartbeats movie word for word just as I️ did. Cami Girl with her peculiar ass spirit was the life of the party and we loved the hell out of her; she could really make us laugh like no other. And then one day, she just up and vanished.

Now at our shelter, staff had a thing  they called AWOL; which was used in reference to when they suddenly had no information as to the whereabouts of a particular client. Basically if you were not back by 10pm and accounted for at bedcheck, staff would then label you as AWOL until your return. Now, from time to time you’d have a client who would just disappear for a certain number of days simply because they felt they needed a break from the dregs of shelter life; which was totally understandable. And other times there would be an actual emergency that would prevent you from making it back. Like that time I️ woke up in the hospital with an untreated sprained ankle, no memory of how I️ got there, and no idea what part of the city I️ found myself in. Shoutout to that trifling ass Beth Israel emergency room security guard on 1st Avenue & 16th St who woke me up and physically assaulted my disoriented ass. You’re a musty, dusty, butt ugly ass a waste of skin and I️ wish you nothing but the worst. But I️ digress.

After a good long while it became apparent that she was never coming back and we had no way of checking in to see if she was okay. So for years I️ wondered if she was even still with us; you know, amongst the living. And every now and then I️ would try searching for her on social media with no success; until one fateful night two and a half years ago.

So I’m standing outside a pizza shop in the Hells Kitchen doing some data collection on the machinations of a “Jaggweed Jones,” when I️ suddenly lock eyes with this beautiful soul sashaying passed me, looking like the original Black American Princess. Shoutout to BAPS. And even though she was just a skosh high and couldn’t quite place her finger on it, she knew that she used to know me from somewhere. So as soon as I️ mentioned “Susan’s Cottage” and “Tyga” especially, all the memories came flooding back to her.  We did some good cackling as we strolled down our memory lane of Underclassmen Shenanigans, she explained to me what lead to her disappearance and how her life had been treating her post “Susan’s Cottage.” And we finally got a chance to exchange contact info before parting ways. I️ was so excited, so relieved, and so happy to see that Cami Girl was not just alive and well but flourishing out here in these streets. And that was truly one of the best chance encounters of my young and dumb life.